Failure of I-statements for mitigating interpersonal conflict in arguments between young adult couples
Format Type
Plenary
Format Type
Paper
Start Date
14-1-2021 4:50 PM
End Date
14-1-2021 5:10 PM
Abstract
One of the historically accepted dictums within interpersonal communication research is that the use of ‘I-language’ (talking about your own feelings/perspectives) as opposed to ‘you-language’, particularly during conflict among romantic intimates, is less likely to evoke negative emotions and more likely to evoke compassion and cooperation from the recipient. Over the last half century, the use of I-statements to communicate one’s feelings and mitigate conflict has thus been widely encouraged across both academic and self-help psychological literature. However, research supporting the use of I-statements in conflict management is surprisingly thin given its long history and derives mostly from anecdotal therapeutic observations or experimental design research and not qualitatively in everyday live interactions, especially between young adult romantic partners in contemporary interactional contexts.
This study uses a discourse analytic approach to examine how twenty young adult heterosexual romantic couples (ages 19-26) used ‘I-language’ (or talk about their feelings) during everyday argumentative exchanges. The data stem from a larger series of in-depth qualitative studies interested in intimacy, identity, and romantic attraction in emerging adults (see Korobov, 2011a, 2011b, 2017, 2018; Korobov & Laplante, 2013). Inductive sequential discursive analyses specifically found a reoccurring sequential pattern in the interactional environment surrounding moments where feelings were used to manage conflict that involved the delicate use of deflection. Patterns where feelings were deflected will be illustrated in detail. This study not only demonstrates the fine details by which romantic partners manage conflict in real time but will also specify a range of interventions for more productive interactions.
Keywords
discourse analysis, romantic relationships
Failure of I-statements for mitigating interpersonal conflict in arguments between young adult couples
One of the historically accepted dictums within interpersonal communication research is that the use of ‘I-language’ (talking about your own feelings/perspectives) as opposed to ‘you-language’, particularly during conflict among romantic intimates, is less likely to evoke negative emotions and more likely to evoke compassion and cooperation from the recipient. Over the last half century, the use of I-statements to communicate one’s feelings and mitigate conflict has thus been widely encouraged across both academic and self-help psychological literature. However, research supporting the use of I-statements in conflict management is surprisingly thin given its long history and derives mostly from anecdotal therapeutic observations or experimental design research and not qualitatively in everyday live interactions, especially between young adult romantic partners in contemporary interactional contexts.
This study uses a discourse analytic approach to examine how twenty young adult heterosexual romantic couples (ages 19-26) used ‘I-language’ (or talk about their feelings) during everyday argumentative exchanges. The data stem from a larger series of in-depth qualitative studies interested in intimacy, identity, and romantic attraction in emerging adults (see Korobov, 2011a, 2011b, 2017, 2018; Korobov & Laplante, 2013). Inductive sequential discursive analyses specifically found a reoccurring sequential pattern in the interactional environment surrounding moments where feelings were used to manage conflict that involved the delicate use of deflection. Patterns where feelings were deflected will be illustrated in detail. This study not only demonstrates the fine details by which romantic partners manage conflict in real time but will also specify a range of interventions for more productive interactions.